I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
