We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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