A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
