I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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