I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
