How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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