Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
