I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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