I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sorry my hands just texted you
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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