all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
