He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
