My boss' voice literally gives me gas
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
