spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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