Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
