I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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