If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You are the jesus of drinking
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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