my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
