Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
