Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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