I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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