It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
