I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Im part way to drunk.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
