she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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