You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
