I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
