The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
