Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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