Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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