ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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