theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
