I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
