it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
