Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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