no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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