I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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