Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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