I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize