there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
