You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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