She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
