I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
