My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
