Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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