wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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