She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
