dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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