Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
