i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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