My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
