It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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