and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
