Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize