Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
