There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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