i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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