The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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