Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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