He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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