Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
