Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
