hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize