Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
