the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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