It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
