Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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