How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
