Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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