My cat gives me a boner
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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