remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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