Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
