I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
