my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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