we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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