Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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