Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you had me at cake vodka
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
