I wish you could order shots online.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
