i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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