from now on my penis is your penis
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
