This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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