I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
