Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You took a bar mat shot.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
