Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
