Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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