Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
