imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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