omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
