a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
