and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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